"The Plattsburgh Green Committee, consisting of members of the community who share a common interest in developing Plattsburgh and the surrounding area into a more localized, sustainable and environmentally friendly region."
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Again, this is a WORKABLE vision statement and If you have any revisions about this just put it in a comment below.
THIS IS THE INITIAL VISION STATEMENT WE WILL BE PROPOSING THE GREEN COMMITTEE ADOPT AT THE NEXT LARGE GREEN COMMITTEE MEETING
Works for me!
ReplyDeleteShawn's Version 1.3
ReplyDelete"The Plattsburgh Green Committee consists of community members who share the common interest in developing Plattsburgh and its surrounding areas into a more localized, sustainable, and environmentally just region."
Notes: "community members" gets rid of the "of" clutter. "the" is more direct about what we share. "its" puts the focus on Plattsburgh. "areas" connotes other towns, regions, etc.. "," <-- now this one is tricky and I've been seeing it all over the place, it is incorrect. Localized - sustainable - environmentally friendly/just - are three independent 'clauses' so they each must be divided by a comma. If, on the other hand, sustainable - environmentally friendly/just was one clause then it would work, but to me those are independent. "just" is stronger for me, and the environment needs justice....